I have no words to describe how much I loved (and still love) Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience.
Brown uses the first three-quarters of the book to provide definitions and examples of eighty-seven emotions and experiences. The latter part of the book brings it all together and discusses her research methodology and how to cultivate meaningful connection and community.
It took me a bit to get through it — there was so much to digest! And I’m still thinking about so much of it (as mentioned in a previous post). My brother and mom said the book looks like a textbook, which is so true — except that it’s the most beautiful textbook I’ve ever laid eyes on!
I knew it would resonate on so many levels, but this word-and-language-nerd had no idea it would be so very rich. Whether as a deep-dive or a resource to come back to over and over again, I highly recommend adding this book to your library.
As I’ve said: I have no words. So I will just list some of my favorite bits from the book, in Brené Brown’s own words, since she’s the expert:
"Language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning, and self-awareness. Having access to the right words can open up entire universes. When we don't have the language to talk about what we're experiencing, our ability to make sense of what's happening and share it with others is severely limited. Without accurate language, we struggle to get the help we need, we don't always regulate or manage our emotions and experiences in a way that allows us to move through them productively, and our self-awareness is diminished. Language shows us that naming an experience doesn't give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning." (Brown, 2021, p. xxi)
"There is no courage without vulnerability. Courage requires the willingness to lean into uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure... it takes a lot of courage to show up and be all in when we can't control the outcome. It also takes discipline and self-awareness to understand what to share and with whom. Vulnerability is not oversharing, it's sharing with people who have earned the right to hear our stories and our experiences. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." (Brown, 2021, p. 14)
"Good friends aren't afraid of your light. They never blow out your flame and you don't blow out theirs--even when it's really bright and it makes you worry about your own flame". (Brown, 2021, p. 36)
"What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly. ...I firmly believe that regret is one of our most powerful emotional reminders that reflection, change, and growth are necessary. In our research, regret emerged as a function of empathy. And, when used constructively, it's a call to courage and a path toward wisdom... In our work, we find that what we regret most are failures of courage, whether it's the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves, to say yes to something scary. Regret has taught me that living outside my values is not tenable for me... Sometimes the most uncomfortable learning is the most powerful." (Brown, 2021, p. 52 & 53)
"As consumers of information, we have a role to play in embracing a more nuanced point of view. When we're reading, listening, or watching, we can learn to recognize complexity as a signal of credibility. We can favor content and sources that present many sides of an issue rather than just one or two. When we come across simplifying headlines, we can fight our tendency to accept binaries by asking what additional perspectives are missing between the extremes. This applies when we're the ones producing and communicating information, too. New research suggests that when journalists acknowledge the uncertainties around facts on complex issues like climate change and immigration, it doesn't undermine their readers' trust. And multiple experiments have shown that when experts express doubt, they become more persuasive. When someone knowledgeable admits uncertainty, it surprises people and they end up paying more attention to the substance of the argument." (Grant, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know, 2021, p. 171, as quoted in Brown, 2021, pp. 70 & 72)
"Compassion is fueled by understanding and accepting that we're all made of strength and struggle--no one is immune to pain or suffering. Compassion is not a practice of 'better than' or 'I can fix you'--it's a practice based in the beauty and pain of shared humanity." (Brown, 2021, p. 118)
"True belonging doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are... Love and belonging are irreducible needs for all people. In the absence of these experiences, there is always suffering." (Brown, 2021, pp. 158 & 159)
"I'm not sure there's a braver sentence in the human catalog of brave sentences than 'My feelings are hurt'. It's simple, vulnerable and honest. But we don't say it very often. We get pissed off, or we hurt back, or we internalize the hurt until we believe we deserve it and that something is wrong with us. But rarely do we say, 'This really hurt my feelings'." (Brown, 2021, p. 198)
"I define calm as creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity. When I think about calm people, I think about people who can bring perspective to complicated situations and experience their feelings without reacting to heightened emotions." (Brown, 2021. p. 208)
"Dehumanizing always starts with language... Language matters. It's the raw material of the story, it changes how we feel about ourselves and others, and it's a portal to connection. With the same amount of power, language can also be used to strip people of their dignity or humanity. With awareness about how dehumanization works, comes the responsibility to call out dangerous language when we recognize it." (Brown, 2021, p. 236)
"The term 'intellectual humility' refers specifically to a willingness to consider information that doesn't fit with our current thinking. People who demonstrate intellectual humility don't lack confidence or conviction. They may hold strong views, but they are also open to hearing other points of view. They are curious and willing to adjust their beliefs when faced with new or conflicting information. Humility allows us to admit when we are wrong--we realize that getting it right is more important than needing to "prove" that we are right." (Brown, 2021, 246).
"Near enemies are states that appear similar to the desired quality but actually undermine it. Far enemies are the opposite of what we are trying to achieve. For example, a near enemy of loving-kindness is sentimentality--similar but different. A far enemy of loving-kindness is ill will--the opposite of loving-kindness. Similarly, a near enemy of compassion is pity and a far enemy is cruelty." (Germer, "The Near and Far Enemies of Fierce Compassion" as quoted in Brown, 2021, pp. 70 & 72)
"In this life, we will know and bear witness to incredible sorrow and anguish, and we will experience breathless love and joy. There will be boring days and exciting moments, low-grade disappointment and seething anger, wonder and confusion. The wild and ever-changing nature of emotions and experiences leaves our hearts stretch-marked and strong, worn and willing." (Brown, 2021, p. 273)
And if you need more encouragement to dive in to this book — check out this article on the practice of story stewardship, which summarizes so much of what Atlas of the Heart highlights.